Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
