also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
