Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
