Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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