Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
