her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
