u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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