I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
