i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
