i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
