Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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