I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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