i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
