Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
