Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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