matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
