i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
