It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
