Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
