Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
