Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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