i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
