he was CRYING into my vagina
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can you bring me the toilet please
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
