im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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