it hurts more in the daytime
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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