Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is it penis luge time yet?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
