I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
