My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this just has baby written all over it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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