i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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