that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
