3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Too much gin, very little bucket
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
