Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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