I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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