but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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