so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
