My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
