he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
