remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
