you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
