dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can text with my tongue
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
