it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
