The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
