who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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