Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I checked into jail on foursquare
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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