I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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