If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
