she woke up with a sticky ear
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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