I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
