The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
