oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
