Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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