Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
