I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
