well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
