So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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