woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
