Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
